Crossword-Solution: RESTRAINED 10 letters, 51 clues 🏆 scrabble score: 11

She tried to act as though it were nothing to go to the library alone. But her happiness betrayed her. Her smile could not be restrained, and it spread from her tightly pressed mouth, to her round cheeks, almost to the hair ribbons tied in perky bows over her ears.

...[A]ll the elements which belong to the notion of happiness are altogether empirical, that is, they must be borrowed from experience, and nevertheless the idea of happiness requires an absolute whole, a maximum of welfare in my present and all future circumstances. Now it is impossible that the most clear-sighted and at the same time most powerful being (supposed finite) should frame to himself a definite conception of what he really wills in this. Does he will riches, how …

I shifted in my seat, curious about the tension that idea caused in my body. Every time I thought of a blindfolded restrained man exploring my body I pressed my thighs together seeking relief. I felt I should have been more concerned about losing my ability to speak from the ball gag, but instead it was a relief. I was terrible at talking to people, this eliminated awkward small talk, and shifted the dynamic of the meeting in a way I didn’t quite understand.